Finding Your True Self

Just play a simple game with yourself to find yourself.

People like Eckhart Tolle talk about the power of presence, of being in the Present. They speak about the power of “being here now.” I’ve read their books and I’ve listened to their words. It’s not a new idea, the notion that nothing really exists but the eternal now, this very present moment. It’s not a new idea that both the past and the future are nothing more than thought. They are both mental constructs. They are the result of stringing the ever-present now together like a strand of pearls. Memory collects and forms pearls strung out on the backend and imagination projects, creating pearls stretching out on the front side. But we’ll come back to that in a moment.

I’ve been playing a fun game with myself, perhaps you’ll play too, and if you do – I’d love it if you posted your results in a comment below. I’m intensely interested. This is not my idea; I adapted it from a man named Richard Lang (see headless.org). I did this with my Mom and it only took her a few moments. It’s a fun game and it goes like this:

If there is one thing we all know for sure, it is that we exist. There is, within everyone one of us, a place that we call “I”. There is a location to our sense of self. You are looking at these words on your phone or on a computer monitor. When you see these words, or your phone, or your monitor you immediately know they are not a part of you. They are not your I. They are something that your I sees and feels separate from.

Now look at your toe. Most of us would agree that our toe is a part of us, but not a part of I.  All of us are attached to our toes, and would fight to keep them. But if the choice came down to the toe or the grave – we’d amputate the toe. We’d feel bad about it, because it has been a good toe, but losing that toe doesn’t change who we feel ourselves to be. We are not our toe. For the purposes of this game, we’ll say that “me” is something that belongs to “I”. Thus, something that might be a part of me, is not necessarily a part of I. You’ll see what I mean.

I is the center, and everything else is apart from it. Everything else has direction. We can imagine an arrow pointing from our sense of self to everything else. In other words, when I look at my toe, I can easily say, my toe is below me, compared to my sense of self. I can point a mental arrow to my toe. So, the game we are playing is to find where our sense of self lives in our bodies. We do this by sensing the direction to our toes compared to our I. Then our knees, then our waist. For me, the imaginary arrow from my I to my knees or waist points down. You get the idea. Check the top of your head, your ears, your forehead, your heart, the middle of your chest, etc. Just keep imagining an arrow pointing at these places in your body until you know where your sense of self is located, until you know where you live in your body.

For me, this is a single point in the lower middle of my head. For my mother, it was a single point in the middle of her chest. Where is this point for you? Let me know!

Why are we playing this game? Because I am just beginning to understand what the spiritual teachers of our world are saying when they suggest that we learn to live in the present moment. I have a growing sense of why it matters and what living in the Now offers to those who learn to live Presently.

If you play the place game long enough (which I highly recommend), one thing you will begin to notice is that even thoughts and emotions have a sense of direction, compared to your I point, your sense of self. For me, the direction and the difference between I and the thoughts that arise in my head is very, very small. Maybe for you, the distance will be greater and easier to spot. Regardless, when you look closely enough, you begin to recognize that your thoughts arise apart from you. They are not you.

Just like you can look at the computer monitor and just know it is not you; you can learn to look at your thoughts and know that they also are not you.

What does it mean to be in the now, to be in the present moment? It means that you are experiencing everything from this absolute center place. You are the I looking out and taking in the entire world around you and all that is happening.

Why does this matter? Because when you are in your center, when you are in the present and experiencing everything around you from the absolute center-place of you, you are filled with joy and peace. I don’t know – it’s kind of a big deal, this sense of abiding peace. It is the absolute opposite of suffering. Suffering sucks – inner peace rocks.

I’ve only glimpsed this. I’ve only felt the inkling, the hint, the promise. But even those tiny glimpses are enough to begin to realize the meaning, to recognize the message that the teachers are trying to convey. I kind of get it, a little bit.

See, I felt for an instant the power of the eternal now. Then I also felt what happened when I attached back to my thoughts or my emotions. I felt it pull me out of my center place. I felt the movement, the difference between Now and everything else. I felt the transition from inner peace to outer suffering. Or even more subtly, I felt the difference between the way I felt when I was in my true self, my true center, my absolute I, compared to the way I felt when I got lost back into my thoughts or my emotions. Let me say it one more way, I felt the difference between experiencing life through my center, through my true I and then I recognized how differently it feels when I experience life though my thoughts, when I start applying filters, notions, ideas, or beliefs or when I get lost in my emotions.

I’m sitting in a restaurant and I remember to find my center-place than then work on experiencing the meal through my absolute sense of self, rather than through my intellect or my emotions. Wow! Such a feeling of gratitude stole over me. I looked around at the people across from me, the people beside me, the people scattered around the room and I noticed how beautiful they all are. I feel joy.

Then a child did something children do, but something that a thought in my head felt was inappropriate and I felt myself pulled into the emotion of annoyance and the action of thinking critical thoughts. In one second I’m feeling peace, gratitude and joy and then in the very next moment I catch myself creating sour and negative thoughts and feeling a sour and negative emotion.

I felt the difference and you can too. It’s simple to get glimpses, if more challenging to learn to be here now, and now, and now and now.

Just play a simple game with yourself to find yourself.

Where is your center? When you find it, practice comparing your center to everything else. Compare your true center with places in your body, thoughts in your mind, or emotions as they arise. The more you know your center-place, your I, the more you can begin to experience life from within. This is the Now and the Now is what is real and true. It is powerful; it is peaceful. It is God’s garden and the natural, abiding home of your soul and you can look at the world through it. It feels good. Try it out for yourself and let me know what you think.

 Secret Bonus: When I was in Junior High School, I did a presentation on Nuclear Fusion. It’s fascinating. It seems that if you take two atoms and apply enough pressure, the atoms squeeze down smaller and smaller and closer and closer until they fuse, or merge, or implode. When that happens the atoms become One. When THAT happens, they explode and tremendous energy is hurled outward in every direction. BOOM! Light and energy bursts out from that microscopic center, mirroring the primordial Big Bang.

In my imagination, this is what happens when we find our true center. Our true self and our projected self are squeezed down smaller and smaller and closer and closer until they fuse, or merge, or implode. When that happens they become One. When THAT happens our Self blasts off, a spiritual Big Bang. Our Soul gets larger and our sense of separation get smaller. Then we Know what Jesus meant when he said, “I and the Father are One.” We and God are One in just the same way. And we can experience this, so my imagination tells me, by doing nothing more than playing a simple little game. To borrow a phrase from the teacher Mooji, we just keep playing “over and over, until it is over.” I do believe I’ll give it go, how about you?